damn it. i guess its time to send my lap top for repair soon. arrrggghhh. the blue line on the left screen is getting to be too much of an eyesore. and sometimes it gets pretty lagged when i attempt to multi task. ok, all this while the warranty lasts. H AHA HA AHA, the cheapo auntie inside is screaming out to me.

been starting to get pretty emo these few days. basically the root of it all is cos sch is ending in like 1 more week? and i am not just talking about some random ending, but the very very last lap of academic life. zilch. i can list out all the things i am going to miss as a student.

* the running about for classes, searching for tut venues...

* attempts at understanding the lecturer while in the midst of yakking away, munching... anything but actually concentrating.

* furiously copying notes and making sure it is so multicoloured and filled with my handwriting like a studious student.

* bio-ing pple everywhere. lect, tut, canteen, corridor, library and also on the bus. ha.

* making endless trips down to the library, standing in the middle of those scholarly racks to search for references for term papers.

* sitting in front of the com, trying to churn out assignments while msning, youtubing, blog hopping... yes, i am that much a multi tasker. i can never have ONLY my assignment window open. i got to do every other thing WHILE doing it.

* complaining about life as a student. that's part of the whole enjoyment.

* nagging people to finish up their parts for projects.(yes, jo and ra are like always at the receiving end for most of it.) always been the kiasu, control freak. i cant stand lateness and imperfections when it comes to school work. yes, this is how seriously i take it. my rationale being sch is just as impt as play.

* ploring through my readings on the train, trying to make sense of it. though most of the time i do not... and not like i really use it in exams anw.

* having student meals. sakae, mac...these are privileges which shld be made used of. and yes bus concession too.ha.

* spending long long times in the book shop, trying to decide wat colour highlighter/pen/file to get so that u can match them with wat u already have. and the same goes for the time spent along the supermarket aisle to look for tibits for mugging sessions.

* claiming "off days" when i feel like it. refusing to do any serious work but just nua-ing my time away. and all the silly antics me and best buddies get up to in pretty public places cos "we are not going to see these pple again anyway." (ok, most of the time its only me.)

*people. meeting new ones, getting to know present ones better, bitching about the rest. oftenly.

* taking our own sweet time to decide wat to eat, and always ending up with ANYTHING BUT the choice everyone agrees upon in the first place. ha aha ha.

this list can just go on and on and on. i already feel the tinge of sadness.cant bear to bring myself to continue. pple have been telling me that i shld be looking forward to a new phase of life. but well, they really dun understand. its like a really drastic change for me and i hate changes. its like i have been like that for the past 14 yrs and suddenly everything i am used to is ripped away from me. will try to adapt though dunno how i am going to survive.

my mood been fluctuating alot. yes i may still crap and siao away, but i do have my quiet moments. i think i tend to think a lot. reflecting and asking myself questions. and things just end up being more complicated from there. and cos i have never been good with words (ya, look at my limited vocab and you will know...) i always end up just not saying stuff. keeping opinions to myself. it all contradicts cos i see myself as a straightforward person. when it comes to other pple's affairs i can dish out advice like some aunt agony. yet when it comes to my personal stuff, i prefer to well, keep it personal. and when i dun voice it out, pple just take me for the happy person i am. i am not always happy. i am not that optimistic about everything in life. yes, i am only human afterall. just that i dont show it when people are around. prefering to hide in my own world and let emotions run wild. someone close once told me, it seems he/she knows alot about me, yet very little. i guess its true. what pple know about me is only wat i want them to know. no offense, but friends can only get you that far. at the end of the day, while you are sitting here, typing this, you are still ultimately alone.

but well (like wat i told clara), you can sad for the whole 23hrs 59 min but at the last one minute, make sure you are a happy person. beats having no happiness at all. that's the mantra i have been using to get me throught those shatty days. seems to be working so far cos i wake up in the morning being a less grouchy person. ha. :)