it's been a rather lazy day at home. decided to be a good girl and stay home cos my dear mum is sick. apparently the flu bug caught her and her immunity system not that good. hope she gets well soon. staying back just in case. i rather be at the sch library anytime. it's pretty hard for me to study at home. nothing seems to go in and the bed keeps beckoning. shit. and i just played mindless hours of bejellewed. the game is so addictive though it is pretty dumb just clicking and clicking away. i guess it is just more attractive compared to my durkheim notes...damn. i think bejewelled should be banned from my com. but i havent got the heart to delete it anyway. sigh. things have been going pretty wrong these few days. i am missing the sis now. this not talking has left me feeling uncomfy and she probably hates me now. i just dun feel that right. the situation is pretty wierd right now and i guess this is the first time it is so major. shit. everybody is pissed some way or another. and i am the cause of it. i guess i am just not good with words. i think i should just shut up from now on. miserable. damn. sometimes i hate myself for being the way i am. but out of sheer pride and stubborness i refuse to admit it. just cause i dun put it in my words, does not mean i am not apologetic. but wat is done is done. nobody really understands fully anyway and not like anyone will care about my incessant rambling. this has got to stop but i dunno how. its affecting me cause i care, but i dun see any solution now. either way someone will be pissed. my dad or them. i hate choices cause it forces u to weigh everything against something and most of the time u end up making stupid mistakes. lets just hope things will turn out fine. :( bye world, its off to sleep nw. cant study anyway with everything boggling me.btw... kk, thanks for listening and understanding. ur advice really appreciated. hope u win the million dollar toto somehow. 3 papers in 2 days is driving me crazy.